"I Am Not Who You Think I Am"
people see what they want when they're looking my way
a troubled kid who at sometime went astray
they see a kid whos troublesome and hurt,
while girls see a boy who really likes to flirt
enemies see a guy who tries to be down
the way my parents see a boy who just fools around
counselors just see a boy who is full of breeded hate
officers see a weak minded kid,for which jail is his fate
friends see a guy that changes to much
and in their minds eye, they see him lose touch
and dont care to try to stop him from leaving them
cause though hes nice and kind to them,they're scared of him
cause they know that any minute, he can be violent again
i see all these things and remain silent,cause friends...do not exist
i know they dont,yet, their presence ive missed
im not what people see im much more then that
im not just a cirminal who keeps going back
to that place known as jail,and juvi for those that have never been there
they wouldnt call it that,they'd say it was hell
cause thats what it is,thats what we call it when we're in our cell
but though i call it that,
dont get me confused with a troubled kid full of despair
cause i am not what you see,
nor ever will be,
because your judgement aint fair
because how can you judge someone you dont know
you were not there with me to watch me grow
because people can see whatever they please
but they cant see me, a kid, whos never had peace
whos always tried hard
to remain strong and keep up his gaurd
whos seen hell very clear
and whos greatest fear,
is dying in a cell all alone
whos always been left to cope on his own
because ive seen nearly everybody give up on me
and:t's been many years now.that i was actualy free
and nobody can judge me correctly
cause ill get dissed by the haters
and evaluated by the ones who respect me
yet nobody knows who i really am
im not a kid not a boy i am just a man
whos seen all the pain
and played in this game
of doing drugs and being down for the gang
but you see im getting tired of living a life
where all i see is anger,pain,and more strife
combined with the danger of getting stabbed with a knife
or getting shot with a gun and dying so young
and not marrying the girl that once had me soo sprung
so i am a bit worrisome,but dont think
that im weak
cause if we should meet out on the street
youd only see the part of me that never cries
only the part of me that leads and guides,the other guys
with no fair showing cause thats how i was raised
fighting everyday,smoking weed and getting blazed
and though people see that as the output of a criminal mind
on the real i tell you i do it to get rid of this depression,
accuired over time
cause though u might see a g externally
internally im worrisome and burdensome with misery
cause to me hell is nothing compared to life,
and i say that sincerely
and if youd seen what ive seen
youd also see this clearly
if you were who i am, and spent one day in my shoes
when given the choice life or death,
youd choose death in an instant without giving a second thought
so next time that you judge me and say that im hopeless
just know that im not
cause i also feel pain and have been withered by the rain
and though i dont explain
any of this, i choose to
only so youll know that i am a lot like you
i also have hopes goals and dreams that i plan to achieve
even if my appearence makes it hard ot believe
because how can u percieve or judge me correctly
when everyday i decieve
everyon whos met me
becase i am not what you see
nor ever will be
so keep that in mind
when you see a g walking down the street next time
because though we are prone to crime
i speak for myself when i say im not only a gang-banger
so dont conider me a danger
when to you all i am is a stranger
cause deep down inside i know we all care
we all try not to cry and cope with lifes share
with misfortounes and many a tragedy a little differntly
than the rest of humanity
so next time you judge me
remember
i am not what you see
"?"
the other day i died
let me tell you how it happened:its the pain inside
tha made me start to cry
And wanna say good bye
to this fucked up life
full of strife
so i got a knife
cut my self again and again
but still didn't die then
devastated i ran away from home
cuz i felt even more alone
like if even death had said no
to taking me with it cuz let me let you know
everyone who loved me left me on my own
all fo them gave up on me
cuz i was never free
allways locked in a cell
and even my baby girl left me by myself
she said goodye without a backward glance
and i was too prideful to ask for one last chance
i loved her and she kept me alive for over two years
all the tim suffering and shedding tears
but she decided to stay
until the other day
and without her life has nothing or me
so i went to the bridge and silently
crying and reminiscing i through myself over
i took the cowards way out; cant get any lower
but i had nothing here
except the fear
of dying in a cell all sad
as an old man cuz i was always bad
always i trouble
so i ended the struggle
to finally get peace at last
i died the other day and if someone should ask
why i did what i did
it was becuz everyday i cried
and it first i had my girl who was there by my side
but now im alone and thats why i died
